What I Wish I Knew In My 20s
I look back at my 20s and realize how far I’ve come since then. I’m turning 35 this summer and thinking about when I became newly single at 23, I learned so much about life, relationships, dating, and myself. It’s funny because I thought I had it all figured out while at the same time, I felt like I had nothing figured out. I wish I could tell my 23 year old self where I am today. There’s a part of me that wants to give her guidance through the ups and the downs. But I also know that it all worked out in the end and I was able to figure it out. I speak to a lot of young women in their 20s and there are key lessons that I always tell them about navigating dating, relationships and just life itself. Lessons that I wish I had known in my 20s.
So here’s a few of the lessons I wish I knew in my 20s:
You’re not behind - I had so many friends in their 20s who were getting engaged and married. Meanwhile I was going through a bad breakup and had to attend all of those weddings single and alone. I remember feeling so behind in life and that the life I wanted for myself was not going to happen. But the reality was, I was not behind at all. I was so young and had so much more in front of me to experience. The fact that I was stressed about getting married at 24 genuinely makes me laugh now. I was just on a different path and timeline than some of my friends. Neither are right or wrong, they are just different. And at the end of the day, everything led me to where I am today. Independent, running my own business, a huge network of friends and in a healthy relationship.
Trust your gut - I didn’t truly trust my gut until my 30s. And if I had trusted it earlier, I would have gone through a lot less situationships, heartbreak and just general anxiety. No one knows myself or what’s best for me more than me. I just wish I had known that sooner. But the positive is that I now know how to trust my gut because of those trials and missteps.
Stop chasing the rollercoaster - In my 20s, I thought the rollercoaster of situationships led to real love. It’s pretty much engrained in us from an early age through fairy tales and TV shows that true love has to go through intense highs and dramatic lows. But in the real world, that confusion and drama is the opposite of real love. Because a healthy and loving relationship will regulate your nervous system, not trigger it. Sadly, I spent a lot of my 20s chasing that high of the up and down drama instead of walking away from something that was not serving me.
Enjoy the ride - Life is a fun journey but what’s the point if you’re not enjoying it? I spent a lot of my 20s worrying about being single or what will happen if X situation does not work out. But the minute I learned to enjoy being single instead of worrying about it, the sooner I started to really love my life. And I truly believe enjoying the ride is what ultimately led me to meeting my boyfriend.
I’m sure 10 years from now, I will look back and have even more lessons I wish I knew in my 30s. But that’s the great thing about life - you are always learning and growing. And while a huge part of me wishes I had these realizations in my 20s, I also know that the journey of my 20s is what led me to everything I have in my 30s. The key to all of these lessons is that everything works out how it’s meant to so you may as well enjoy it.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
