The Reality of Being In A Relationship
As someone who was single for 10 years and is now in a new relationship, I find the comparison of being single vs in a relationship wildly incorrect. It feels like everyone believes that being in a relationship is easy and will solve all of your problems. Meanwhile, being single is difficult and creates a lot of problems in your life. But that’s actually not true at all. While having a partner is great and has a lot of benefits, there are new issues that arise from being in a relationship. Old triggers can come up for you as you enter a relationship, new dynamics are at play that you need to navigate, an entirely new person is a part of your life that you have to learn about and incorporate into your routines and decisions.
On the flip side, when you’re single, you really just have to worry about yourself. You get to live life on your own terms without worrying about someone else and how they fit into things. There is also so much more time to focus on yourself from a mental, emotional and physical standpoint. I know so many people who became the best versions of themselves because of the work they did when they were single. People including myself. The work I did while I was single was transformative and I’m not sure I would have done that same type of work if I was in a relationship.
There’s this idea that being in a relationship is better than being single and that couples are on this pedestal. But that idea comes with so many assumptions around couples having it all figured out. Which is funny because that is far from the truth. Don’t be fooled into thinking that life becomes perfect and all of your problems go away because you are in a relationship. Because you will have a rude awakening when you find yourself in a relationship. Couples are not better than single people and certainly have not accomplished more.
It’s funny because I posted an Instagram story of myself with my new boyfriend and I’ve never received more DMs, likes or texts congratulating me and asking for more info. And while I felt so loved and enjoyed talking to people about my new relationship, I couldn’t help but reflect on this. No offense, but getting a boyfriend is probably the least impressive thing I’ve done over the past few years. I became independent again after a bad breakup, moved to a new city where I basically knew no one, started my own side business, got promoted at my full time job and traveled the world to cool places like Mallorca and Portugal. But I did not receive the same amount of outreach and love from those accomplishments as I did when I announced I had a boyfriend. Which I think is sad.
I write this blog post to my single people out there to remind them not to let the excitement around relationships fool you into thinking you are failing or are less than. Because there will always be problems that come up and work that needs to be done regardless of your relationship status. And never forget to celebrate all of the successes along the way. Especially the ones that have nothing to do with whether you are in a relationship or not.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
